October, 2006

Sheikh Taj el-din Hilaly, the Grand Mufti in Australia, might have offended women and others with his candid remarks comparing them to thick juicy steaks, but that roomful of Muslim men sure didn't mind.  Obviously, it helps if you can’t control your sexual urges in the absence of a headscarf, but we sill thought that the sermon might at least make a good rap song if the right music were thrown in.   

Our editor, himself an Old School connoisseur, recognized some unmistakable parallels between the Mufti’s sermon and Sir Mix-A-Lot’s 1992 classic, “Baby Got Back.” 

Mufti: “Truthfully... The woman possesses the weapon of seduction and temptation.”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

 

Mufti: “The uncovered meat is the problem!”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “I want ‘em real thick and juicy.  So find that juicy double…”

 

Mufti: “Satan would use women to smash the head of the finest of men…”

Sir Mix-A-Lot:  “Mix-A-Lot’s in trouble… begging for a piece of that bubble.”

 

Mufti:  “If she hadn't left the meat uncovered, the cat wouldn't have snatched it.”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “So they toss it and leave it; And I pull up quick to retrieve it.”

 

Murfti:  “But in the event of adultery, the responsibility falls 90 per cent of the time with the woman.”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “Give me a sister, I can’t resist her”

 

Mufti: “If I come across a crime of rape - kidnap and violation of honor - I would discipline the man and teach him a lesson in morals, and I would order the woman be arrested and jailed for life.”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “My homeboys tried to warn me, But that butt you got makes me so…”

 

Mufti:  “She is the one who takes her clothes off, cuts them short, acts flirtatious, puts on make-up and powder, and goes on the streets dallying…”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, You get sprung and wanna’ pull up tough ‘cause you notice that butt was stuffed.”

 

Mufti:  "She is the one wearing a short dress, lifting it up, lowering it down…"

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “’... baby got it going on"

 

Mufti:  “…then a look, then a smile, then a word, then a greeting, then a chat, then a date, then a meeting, then a crime.  If she was in her room, in her house, wearing her hijab, being chaste, the disasters wouldn't have happened.”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “I like them round and big; And when I’m throwing a gig I just can’t help myself, I’m acting like an animal.”

 

Mufti:  “Satan says to the woman ‘…You are my best weapon."”

Sir Mix-a-Lot:  “Even white boys got to shout.”